cassievalentine (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cassievalentine) wrote2011-08-31 09:52 am
cassievalentine) wrote2011-08-31 09:52 am
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A little authors note to go along with that Castle fic I wrote.
You know, Acceptance. I'm leaving this public, though I don't really know why, but here it is.
So, this whole thing came about because of a discussion on Tumblr about how Castle would react the first time he saw Beckett's scars. After some discussion about WHERE she was actually shot (Because I'm a bit of a moron and forgot about the season 4 trailers that had been released) I made the executive decision to shoot her in the gut.
What can I say, it seemed like the way to go?
Anyway, because of various comments I've received about this, I just wanted to say this about the fic.
It was extremely easy to write and, unsurprisingly, therapeutic.
I refused to look at the scar I was left with from Magnus for nearly three weeks. In fact, it was the day before they removed the staples that I really sat down and look at it.
It was rather horrific, as far as I was concerned. Red, scabby, puckered and just plain ugly. I pushed it from my mind and didn't really think about it unless the waist of my pants started to dig into it.
I was, however, forced to confront it once home and IMing with The Boy (Who isn't really My Boy and probably never will be, but that's beyond the point.) I had basically the same conversation with him as Beckett did with Castle, though her's was sweeter and had a better ending. I can't remember what he said, but I came back with the comment that I wasn't ready to show it off and had no idea when I would be. That it was ugly and stuck out and a billion other perceived flaws, some of which I still hang on to.
He tried his best, but it didn't really help. I'm not really even sure that if the conversation came up again today, 6.5 months later, if I'd be able to give him a different answer.
It's one thing to post a random picture of things on the internet, knowing that the chances of people commenting on it are slim to none, it's another to actually share it with another living person.
And much like Kate said, I'm not ready.
So, this whole thing came about because of a discussion on Tumblr about how Castle would react the first time he saw Beckett's scars. After some discussion about WHERE she was actually shot (Because I'm a bit of a moron and forgot about the season 4 trailers that had been released) I made the executive decision to shoot her in the gut.
What can I say, it seemed like the way to go?
Anyway, because of various comments I've received about this, I just wanted to say this about the fic.
It was extremely easy to write and, unsurprisingly, therapeutic.
I refused to look at the scar I was left with from Magnus for nearly three weeks. In fact, it was the day before they removed the staples that I really sat down and look at it.
It was rather horrific, as far as I was concerned. Red, scabby, puckered and just plain ugly. I pushed it from my mind and didn't really think about it unless the waist of my pants started to dig into it.
I was, however, forced to confront it once home and IMing with The Boy (Who isn't really My Boy and probably never will be, but that's beyond the point.) I had basically the same conversation with him as Beckett did with Castle, though her's was sweeter and had a better ending. I can't remember what he said, but I came back with the comment that I wasn't ready to show it off and had no idea when I would be. That it was ugly and stuck out and a billion other perceived flaws, some of which I still hang on to.
He tried his best, but it didn't really help. I'm not really even sure that if the conversation came up again today, 6.5 months later, if I'd be able to give him a different answer.
It's one thing to post a random picture of things on the internet, knowing that the chances of people commenting on it are slim to none, it's another to actually share it with another living person.
And much like Kate said, I'm not ready.