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Aug. 12th, 2010 03:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cassievalentinePart 5 of Introspection and the Outside World.
SG-1
Hiding in plain sight
**
The commissary was bustling when SG1 came in.
They entered the line in a clump, only smoothing out into a straight line when they had to pick up their trays. They talked and joked and made sarcastic comments about the amount of food Teal'c piled onto his tray before heading off to their customary table near the back of the commissary. They quickly seated themselves and carried on much like they had in line.
“They're at it again,” Miller whispered to his dining companion, his eyes glued firmly to the SG1 members huddling around a table meant for two and not four.
They had come back last week after having met the Nox with an incredible story about dying and being brought back to life. The four had become inseparable since they got back, making them even more unapproachable than before.
“So what?” Torres asked around a mouthful of food, not bothering to look up from his plate as he spoke.
“Well, aren't we all supposed to be in this together? All of the SGC? They act like it's them against the universe, like the rest of us are just filler.”
This statement made Torres look up from his plate.
“Jealous?” he asked after a moment, a smirk starting to curl his lips. He knew Miller wanted to be on an off-world team so bad he could taste it, but had yet to be assigned to one. He was also smarting from being rejected from SG1 in favor of Teal'c.
“No,” the man grumbled, finally turning his attention away from SG1 and focusing on his meal. The gravy on his mashed potatoes was starting to cool and congeal and his carrots looked like orange mush next to the now shoe leather like roast beef.
Miller grudgingly picked up his knife and sawed off a piece of the meat, scooping some of the jellied gravy/potatoes on top before shoveling it into his mouth.
He chewed for a moment before muttering, “Just making an observation. They don't even seem to notice what the rest of us do.'”
“Captain Carter complemented me on my ingenuity yesterday,” Torres pointed out calmly, cutting himself a more manageable bit of beef.
He chewed carefully as he tried to think of another example to share. “And O'Neill complemented me on the improvements I've made with my accuracy last week.”
“That's not what I meant,” Miller grumbled as he quickly ate the last of his carrots, swallowing fast so that he didn't have to linger on the texture. Or the fact that they had been over cooked. Why in the hell was it so hard to cook carrots properly? His mother could do it, so why couldn't these Air Force trained cooks do it? The men shared a long look over their plates.
“Maybe they just don't notice you because you're too busy mooning over them to distinguish yourself,” he threw in with a smile.
Torres' companion muttered that he was still missing the point and he couldn't help but grin. He knew exactly what Miller was on about, but it was far more fun to goad the man than just give in.
“Do you think they know how much everyone else talks about them? About what they manage to do, how they act, that kind of stuff?”
“I would imagine that they are all very well aware of the scuttlebutt surrounding them. I think they're all just cool enough to ignore it. Besides, you stare at them much harder and you won't have to ask that any more. They'll come over here and set you straight themselves. I have seen Teal'c in the gym. You do not want a piece of that man.”
“Do I look stupid to you?” Miller asked as he finished off the last of his potatoes. The pile of concealed gravy he scrapped off of them sat forlornly on the side of his plate.
“At this moment? A little. Dude, you need help. Find a girl; get a hobby; take a nap. I don't really care, but you really need to move on.”
Torres finished off his meal and pushed his plate to the side of his tray, pulling the parfait glass of jell-o towards him. Realizing that he hadn't grabbed a spoon, Torres licked his fork off and dug in. Miller sighed heavily, resting his chin in his palm as he too pushed the last of his meal away.
“Fine,” he said. “You're right. I need to stop fixating.”
“Thank you,” his friend said calmly, offering him a cube of red Jell-o.
“Right after they leave.” Miller muttered, refusing the cube before going back to trying to spy on the flagship team without getting caught. Torres couldn't help the laughter that escaped him.
Everyone within hearing turned to stare at the officer, everyone except SG1. The four of them still so deep into what ever it was they were doing that they were oblivious to the rest of the mess hall.
*&*
Needs
**
Doctor Janet Fraiser quietly spread a blanket over a sleeping Sam, who dozed off wedged in a chair next to Daniel's bed. She had offered a blanket to O'Neill, but he had turned it down in favor of a cup of coffee. Teal'c, meanwhile, had tucked himself away in a corner to Kel'noreem.
She quickly checked Daniel's vitals, played with his IV for a moment and then quietly snuck away from the group, only the sound of the oxygen and heart monitors breaking the silence in the infirmary.
The doctor had stopped enforcing visiting hours for SG teams a long time ago. What they saw and went through together, mission after mission, made them seem joined at the hips. Each team was its own strange family, and SG1 was the tightest, strangest one of all.
Janet had to admit that after this latest mission, she was more than a little surprised to see them all gathered around Daniel. He had, after all, abandoned them to the tender mercies of an exhausted Naquadah mine while he got hooked on a girl and a sarcophagus.
But there they were, each of them keeping vigil over their sick teammate in their own little way. Sam had prattled on about nothing for the longest time, trying to lure Daniel out from his withdrawal. Jack had thrown in a sarcastic comment every now and then to make sure he was still with them, while Teal'c simply sat quietly nearby, offering a silent, calmly presence to the group.
“Hey, Danny Boy,” she heard O'Neill say softly after she had just barely slipped behind the curtains that closed his bed off from the rest of the medical bay.
She considered turning and going to see what was up, but something made her change her mind and hover by the curtain, holding it open just enough so that she could see in. She watched as O'Neill slowly levered himself out of his chair to stand right beside the bed. He waited patiently while Daniel's mind sorted itself out and decided what he wanted.
O'Neill fetched the water without complaint or sarcastic remark. He even tucked Carter's blanket a little tighter around her as he passed by her to reach the cup and pitcher on the bedside table. When he came back to the bed, the pair talked quietly for a moment before O'Neill waived a hand and shook his head.
Assured that the situation was under control, Janet left the patient area and returned to her office.
**
“I thought you were going to. . .” Janet trailed off when she saw one of her nurses returning from Daniel's bed, bucket of warm water still in her hands.
“Major Carter beat me to it,” she replied with a shrug. Janet had sent the nurse in with the intention of helping Daniel clean up a little. The doctor frowned and when to investigate for herself. Although Jack and Teal’c were nowhere to be seen, Sam was seated on the foot of Daniel’s bed.
The two were talking about something she couldn't make out as Sam carefully dragged a razor across his face. His hands were shaking too badly to do the task himself.
As Janet stood and watched, it occurred to her what an intimate moment she was watching and that she hadn't exactly been quiet on her way over to his bed and the curtains did nothing to mask outside sounds.
“Pretty as a picture,” Sam said when she was finally done. Janet imagined a gentle smile on her face as she said so.
Sam was wiping the last remnants of shaving cream from Daniel’s face when he said something that made her drop her head against her chest, fumbling with the towel in her hand. A dark look fell over Daniel's face and Janet decided that it was time to step in.
“So, putting my nurses out of work, are you?” she asked, plastering a fake smile on her face. The pair quickly looked up and worked valiantly to hide the fact that something was wrong.
“Well, someone's got to protect him from your nurses,” she said, sliding off the bed and tiding the supplies they'd used. Janet joked with the pair a while longer until O'Neill and Teal'c came into the infirmary, each holding two trays loaded down with food, drink and Jell-O.
Janet took that as her cue to leave as extra tables were procured and the four set about devouring the feast they'd found themselves.
She paused just out side the curtain again and watched as the three crowded themselves onto and around the bed, passing items and utensils to each other without really thinking about it. Janet shook her head as she watched the four disappear into their own little world again before she slipped away to leave them too it.
Janet had heard people on the base talking about how SG1 members seemed to be in their own little world more often than not, and she had always just laughed them off in the past. Jack and Sam were Air Force officers who were trained to be aware of their surroundings at all times and Teal'c was a trained military officer himself.
She could see Daniel being oblivious, but not all of them at the same time and she had firmly believed that until now. Three times in as many days she'd caught them lost in their own little world. She was pretty sure they'd be okay though. They kept going through the gate and coming home after all. Maybe not in the same number of pieces they left in, but they kept coming home together.
Lost in their own little world or not, she was pretty sure they'd be OK.
*&*
Drowning
**
Sam jerked awake, looking around her room frantically as her brain tried to catch up with what it was seeing. She took a deep breath as she raised a shaky hand to brush he bangs away from her sweaty forehead. She couldn't help but shudder a little as the sweat on her back started to cool, sticking her shirt to her.
She took a long moment to assure herself that she was tucked away in her own bed, in Samantha Carter's bed and not Thera's metal cot.
The only problem was she wasn't in a bed at all. She actually was curled up at the end of a couch with an old afghan thrown over her.
She also realized that she wasn't alone either. Casting a cautious eye around the room, she noticed that O'Neill was slumped at the other end of the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table as he allowed some useless infomercial to capture his attention. Daniel was snoring softly in Jack's recliner, his glasses perched a very odd angle on his face.
Absently, she wondered how he had even functioned as Carlin without his glasses on. No wonder Keegan had spent so much time teaching him the same tasks over and over again.
“Stop thinking Carter,” Jack said softly from his end of the couch.
“Sir?” she asked, finally turning to face him again.
“Stop thinking, I can hear you all the way over here,” he finally turned to look at her, the light from the TV flickering and casting his face into odd shadows.
“Sorry,” she said, turning her gaze away from him and to said TV. They fell silent again, each lost in their own thoughts.
“Bad dream?” he asked after a long moment.
“It was nothing,” she said, hoping he wouldn't press further. He didn't and she appreciated it. None of them were ready to talk about what had happened to them on that planet. Hell, she wasn't even sure if she understood herself what had happened on that planet.
She remembers being pulled from their beds in the middle of the night. It had taken four men and a stunner to finally subdue Teal'c and get them all out. She remembered that they hadn't even let them put their boots on. They had just turned the lights on and started yelling, stunning them into submission until they were groggy and slow and easy dragged away.
She even remembers being thrown in a metal chair and strapped down. She yelled for the others, yelled at the people in the room, but they had ignored her.
The suddenly she was a mineworker named Thera who was being transferred to another job where Jonah was working. It had been ages since she’d seen Jonah, and was more than glad to have her friend back at her side.
She didn't know what the others remembered. Janet had kept them all on base and in the infirmary for 24 hours before releasing them all but Teal'c. He'd stayed behind to Kel'noreem in his quarters instead of leaving with the others.
Of course, Jack, Sam and Daniel hadn’t gotten much farther than the parking lot before starting to subtly invite each other to hang out.
O'Neill put a stop to it by sending Daniel off to pick up movies while he and Sam went to pick up food and beer. They all agreed to meet at Jack's house.
By the time Daniel got back, Jack and Sam had already laid out a spread of pizza, Chinese and beers for everyone. A movie was quickly put in the player and the three of them collapsed into their customary spots, plates of food resting on laps as they settled down to watch the flick.
Sam didn't hold out much hope that O'Neill would ever open up to her about what he remembered; it just wasn't the way he operated. Daniel though. . . she hoped that at some point in the future he'd open up to her about what he remembered so that they could both talk about it and get it out in the open. But after watching the way Keegan had stuck by his side as they were relocating the workers, she had a feeling that it would be a while before he opened up about things. Carlin apparently had just as many issues to work through as Thera and Jonah had.
“You're thinking again.” Jack's voice broke into her thoughts and pulled her back into the present.
“It's not like we can talk about it,” she snapped at him. She waited to hear if he was going to call her on being insubordinate, but he didn't. That was something else for her to worry about she supposed.
“What do you want me to say, Carter?”
“I don't know,” she said. “Anything! That you're mad, or you’re glad to be home, or that you miss Thera like she misses Jo. . .”
Carter quickly cut herself off and focused her attention on the TV, working hard to keep her mind focused on the new miracle peeler being advertised.
“He does miss her.” she heard suddenly in the dark. “He misses her a lot.”
Carter swallowed hard when she heard this, but she didn't let herself look at O'Neill. She missed Jonah desperately, the closeness they'd had, the fact that when she needed someone, he was there, ready to hold her and tell her that it was all going to be ok. That Brenna was going to listen her eventually, that what they were doing really was worth it, that it wasn't just rhetoric that they had been trained to say.
Sam felt the couch shift beneath her and she held her breath a little as she felt a warm body close to her own. She considered keeping her distance from him, but she found she didn't have the will power. She let herself sink into his side as he pulled her close and she savored the warmth, closing her eyes slightly and allowing herself to really believe that Jonah and Thera were together again.
“He loves her,” he confessed after a while, whispering the words softly into her hair.
“She loves him, too,” she confessed, just as quietly.
Silence prevailed as she adjusted the afghan until it was covering as much of them as possible. She gave him a quick, hard squeeze before relaxing against him, allowing herself to be soothed by his heartbeat and to forget about the rest of the world for a few more hours.
*&*
Empty chair
**
Daniel's funeral this time around was just as solemn and dignified as it had been the first time around, only this time, they were sure he was gone. They had watched as the monitor’s alarms screamed and he turned into a glowing light.
This time though, Jack's calm was slightly more rattled. Not only was he still dealing with the fact that Daniel had asked him to tell Jacob to let him die, he had also been yelling at various politicians right up until the last minute. Washington was still looking for someone to blame for losing access to Naquadria and they saw absolutely no reason not to agree with the Kelownans and blame Daniel.
All of SG1 was disgusted with Washington's reaction to the situation. After all they had done for the world, let alone the country, they had expected a little support from the higher ups.
They obviously weren't going to get it. Even though Jack had told Washington that he would never let them pin the blame on Daniel, that he would leave the program and the Air Force if they did.
Apologies and platitudes quickly followed, but the fact remained the same: The blame would rest fully on Daniel no matter what Jack or the rest of SGI did.
He really wanted to threaten that Carter and Teal'c follow him out the door, but he didn't. He couldn't be 100 percent sure that they would leave the program with him, and he didn't want to make threats he couldn't back up.
He thought that was a real shame because he was pretty sure that while the higher ups might not mind loosing him, they'd all really start to panic if they thought they were going to loose their Stargate Wunderkind Carter. He imagined they'd be worried about loosing Teal’c, too, but only because of what he knew about the SGC and Earth.
When Jack finally did stalk into the gate room, he glared at Jonas as he passed. The alien quickly looked at his feet and shuffled back, giving O'Neill as much space as he could.
Jonas Quinn knew that he wasn't welcome at Dr. Jackson's funeral, but he couldn't stay away. It was his fault the man was dead and at this point in time, he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to repay Jackson's friends for what had happened.
When the service was over and people started to leave, Sam, Jack and Teal'c found themselves moving closer to each other. Each of them were silent and at a loss as to what they should do next.
“I have beer,” Jack said suddenly. “Lots and lots of beer.”
Carter took a shaky breath and nodded while Teal'c inclined his head slightly. O'Neill drove Teal'c and Carter followed in her car after changing out of her dress blues.
If she and O'Neill were going to get as drunk as she thought they were, she had no plans to do so in a skirt.
**
“Where's your phone Carter?” O'Neill asked as soon as she set foot in his living room. She dug it out of her bag and he snatched it from her while handing her a beer. She took a pull from the bottle as he snapped the back of the phone open, took the battery out and laid it on his kitchen table, next to his gutted cell phone.
He unplugged his house phone next and then finally collapsed into an easy chair while she folded herself into its matching pair.
Teal'c took his customary place on the couch, leaving the far right corner vacant. Three sets of eyes fell on the empty spot and Sam quickly took another pull of her beer, trying to keep the tears at bay. There would be time for her to break down on her own, in her own bed, later.
Eventually, Sam tore her eyes away from the empty spot and turned them to where she knew the battery-less cell phones rested.
She briefly worried how the base would get in touch with them if they were needed, but quickly decided she just didn’t give a damn. Daniel had given his life to protect a bunch of ungrateful aliens and their entire world. Anyone who really needed them today, and possibly tomorrow, could wait. Jack and Teal'c seemed to be of the same mind, given that O'Neill had removed the batteries and Teal'c had made no objections.
“I feel like he's just late,” Carter said suddenly. “That we'll start drinking and he'll burst in, complaining that we didn't wait for him.” She bowed her head as she spoke and concentrated on her bottle.
“To Daniel,” Jack said after a long moment, raising his bottle slightly. “The most stubborn, most annoying, most loyal guy you'll ever meet.” Sam raised her bottle to that while Teal'c raised his glass.
**
Walter Harriman frowned a little as he got another recorded message about cell phones being turned off or out of range. He hung up and quickly dialed again, making sure that he hadn't misdialed the first two times. The recording played again and he finally hung up.
Colonel O'Neill's cell phone being off was nothing unusual, neither was his phone being off the hook when he was in a bad mood but not being able to contact Major Carter was a bit disconcerting. He could always get a hold of her but today her home phone went straight to the machine and her cell was giving him that horrible recording.
With a sigh, Walter picked himself up out of his chair and made his way to the General's office.
“They're not answering, Sir,” Walter said, peaking into Hammond's office.
“None of them?” he asked, looking up from the paper work he had been signing. He put his pen down on his desk.
“No Sir. I've tried their cell phones, home phones and office phones, there's no answer at any of them.” George Hammond sighed. He knew that Jackson's death was hard on SG1, but it wasn't like Carter or Teal'c to stay out of contact for more than 12 hours. Jack, on the other hand, was more than happy to disappear for days on end.
“Very well, thank you Walter,” he said, dismissing the Sergeant back to whatever task he was up to.
Hammond didn't really have a pressing need to get in touch with SG1. He understood that they needed time after Daniel's death to mourn him and find their new normal. Hell, he’d gone so far as to issue orders not to contact them unless the fate of the planet actually depended on them.
Hammond sighed as he glanced at the clock. He debated for a moment about whether to actually go to Jack's house and check on him, but he decided against it. The three of them were probably together, most likely at Jack's house. No one wanted their CO to see them when they were mourning and likely very drunk.
As he pulled himself up to his desk again ready to begin on the next round of paper work, he allowed himself a few moments to not only curse Jackson for what he had done, but to thank him as well.
*&*
Loose Ends
**
“You OK?”
“For the most part,” Sam answered without shifting her gaze from the window of O'Neill's truck.
She had broken up with Pete a week ago, Daniel had come back from wherever he had been a few days after that and they had buried her father two days ago.
The funeral had been everything she expected it to be. All of Jacob's military friends had come. They had even smuggled some of the Tok'ra out of the base to watch, making sure they all understood the importance of letting their hosts do the talking while out on Earth.
Having the Tok'ra around had made things more stressful and she had anticipated, but she couldn't deny them. They'd already had words about the fact that she wasn't going to let them have Jacob's body to do with what they wanted, and she couldn't deny his and Selmac's friends the chance to say goodbye in some way.
Her brother and his family had come as well. Mark's relationship with his father had healed a lot over the years, but it was still rocky. He hadn't been pleased about the military funeral, but he understood. They compromised and buried him next to their mother instead of in the military plot that had been set-aside for him.
She was slightly surprised at how easily they had come to an agreement about the burial, but she had decided not to question it. She had instead spent the time with her niece and nephew, happy to lose herself in imaginary games and stories with the two kids. It was nice to not have to worry about anything more serious then storming the castle for an afternoon.
“You sure? We could stop for a bit,” O'Neill said, interrupting her thoughts and glancing over at her for a moment before returning his gaze to the road in front of them.
Daniel and Teal'c had gotten tied up at the base and had decided to fly in while Jack had talked Carter into taking the drive up with him. He had convinced her by telling her it would give her time to think and sort things out. And since he'd be right there, she wouldn't have to worry about him phoning her all the time to check in and make sure she was OK. She also found it nice to not have to concentrate on the road.
“I'm OK, really,” she insisted, finally turning to look at him, offering a small smile before turning her attention back to the road again.
O'Neill frowned a little when he finally caught a good glimpse of her. She looked tired and pale, like she wasn't sleeping properly. Or at all. He wasn't really surprised; he knew that she didn't sleep well when her world wasn't in order. Her face was drawn tight and her eyes just didn't look right.
He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was off about her. He kept telling himself that a few days up at the lake were exactly what she needed. Time away from everything and everyone, she could write her own schedule, come and go as she pleased, recharge for a while before jumping back into the fray at Area 51.
This trip was also going to give all of them a chance to say goodbye. Jack had been promoted to a new position in Washington so that Hammond could finally retire.
And now that the Jaffa had their freedom, Teal'c felt more than obligated to return to them, to teach them what he had learned of freedom during his time with the Tau'ri.
With Jack leaving, Daniel was finally getting a chance to head off to Atlantis and see what all the fuss was about while Carter was going to head to Nevada to take up a position with R&D and also help get Cassie back on track.
In an attempt to find herself and get her feet back under her, the girl had chosen a university as far from Sam and the rest of SG1 as possible.
She had also bitten off a little more than she could chew with her courses. Cassie had called Sam up, nearly in tears, a few weeks ago to confess that she wasn't doing so well and really needed help.
This confession was a complete 180 from all the other conversations Sam had had with the girl. She had promised her that as soon as the transfer went through, she'd be down in Nevada to help her out and that she'd have some semi-normal work hours for the first time in she didn't know how long.
Cassie had chuckled when she heard that and couldn't help but jokingly ask what that would be like? Cassie had lived her entire life on Earth with adults who had no idea what normal working hours were.
“The boys should be here day after tomorrow,” O'Neill said as he slowed the truck and pulled off of the paved highway and onto a rough dirt road. “They'll land at the local airport and drive up.”
“They know the way?” she asked as she took in the slight change of scenery. The forest was definitely getting thicker, and she was pretty sure she could see a lake in the distance. Of course, that was probably just her imagination.
“You know Teal'c. Never forgets a direction,” he said, glancing over at her again and offering a small smile that she returned.
Silence returned to the cab for a few more moments before a weathered log cabin came into view. “Well, there it is,” he said as he parked the truck. “Chateau O'Neill.” Sam studied the cabin carefully for a few moments.
“I like it,” she said, offering him a smile as she undid her seat belt and slid out of the truck. They both stretched and inhaled deeply before he headed to the back to start unloading and Sam allowed herself to wander towards the lake.
She stopped when she hit the edge of the dock and simply looked around. She couldn't see the other side of the lake nor could she see anything through the trees but more trees.
They really were alone out here, 20 miles from the closest town and God only knew how far from the nearest neighbor. She took a moment to peer into the lake, trying to see if there were any fish. She wasn't surprised not to see any, but she had hoped.
“Carter! Little help!” O'Neill hollered from the truck.
“Coming, Sir,” she said as she turned and quickly headed back up the dock to help O'Neill unload the truck. She couldn't help but smile a little as she walked. She was starting to feel like things were falling back into place in her life.
She'd felt like hiding away for days now, but not really wanting to be alone all at the same time. She was a little amazed that she'd actually found a place that would allow her to be both alone and with people at the same time.
**
“So, fishing?” Jack asked as they lounged around a fire a few nights later. Teal'c and Daniel had retreated to the safety of the cabin, away from the mosquitoes while Sam and Jack sat huddled by the fire. They blinked furiously as the smoke blew into their eyes. They both knew that they could, and probably should move, but the smoke was keeping the bugs away, so they stayed.
“I enjoyed it,” she said, pulling the sleeves of her sweatshirt down over her hands. “I don't think I could spend as much time at it as you, but it was nice to just fish and let my mind wander.”
“Come to any conclusion?” he asked, poking at the fire slightly, trying to produce a pocket in the flames that only held ashes. He still had several marshmallows left in a bag beside him.
“I miss my Dad,” she said simply. “And probably will for a long time. That I'm going to miss SG1 and the Stargate, but it will be nice to spend time with Cass. That we're no longer in the same chain of command,” she threw on the end, almost as an after thought. She watched as O'Neill stopped playing in the fire after she said that.
“The thought had occurred to me,” he said calmly, turning to look at her slightly.
“Maybe we should think about airing that room out,” she said with a shrug, taking the marshmallow he offered her. They fell into silence for a moment as he got his own. He eventually agreed that he'd like that, though neither of them made any effort to expand on the possibility of a relationship.
“I'd forgotten how bright the stars could be,” she said, changing the subject as she let her marshmallow dangle over the coals. “It's easy to feel like you're the only person in the world out here.”
“Why do you think I come out here so often?” he asked as he pulled her stick from over the flames so nothing caught on fire.
She smiled as she blew on her treat to cool it off before she pulled the crispy coating off. He watched as she ate that first and then went back for the warm, gooey marshmallow. She had been eating them that way all night and he couldn't help but think it was cute.
The pair enjoyed the warmth of the fire and the sounds of the night for a while longer until Daniel stuck his head out the door and hollered to them that he and Teal'c were going to play cards and did they want to join in?
10 minutes later the fire was out and SG1 was gathered around the well-aged table in the cabin's dinning room, laughing, teasing and cheating their way through card games.
*&*
Back to part 4
SG-1
Hiding in plain sight
**
The commissary was bustling when SG1 came in.
They entered the line in a clump, only smoothing out into a straight line when they had to pick up their trays. They talked and joked and made sarcastic comments about the amount of food Teal'c piled onto his tray before heading off to their customary table near the back of the commissary. They quickly seated themselves and carried on much like they had in line.
“They're at it again,” Miller whispered to his dining companion, his eyes glued firmly to the SG1 members huddling around a table meant for two and not four.
They had come back last week after having met the Nox with an incredible story about dying and being brought back to life. The four had become inseparable since they got back, making them even more unapproachable than before.
“So what?” Torres asked around a mouthful of food, not bothering to look up from his plate as he spoke.
“Well, aren't we all supposed to be in this together? All of the SGC? They act like it's them against the universe, like the rest of us are just filler.”
This statement made Torres look up from his plate.
“Jealous?” he asked after a moment, a smirk starting to curl his lips. He knew Miller wanted to be on an off-world team so bad he could taste it, but had yet to be assigned to one. He was also smarting from being rejected from SG1 in favor of Teal'c.
“No,” the man grumbled, finally turning his attention away from SG1 and focusing on his meal. The gravy on his mashed potatoes was starting to cool and congeal and his carrots looked like orange mush next to the now shoe leather like roast beef.
Miller grudgingly picked up his knife and sawed off a piece of the meat, scooping some of the jellied gravy/potatoes on top before shoveling it into his mouth.
He chewed for a moment before muttering, “Just making an observation. They don't even seem to notice what the rest of us do.'”
“Captain Carter complemented me on my ingenuity yesterday,” Torres pointed out calmly, cutting himself a more manageable bit of beef.
He chewed carefully as he tried to think of another example to share. “And O'Neill complemented me on the improvements I've made with my accuracy last week.”
“That's not what I meant,” Miller grumbled as he quickly ate the last of his carrots, swallowing fast so that he didn't have to linger on the texture. Or the fact that they had been over cooked. Why in the hell was it so hard to cook carrots properly? His mother could do it, so why couldn't these Air Force trained cooks do it? The men shared a long look over their plates.
“Maybe they just don't notice you because you're too busy mooning over them to distinguish yourself,” he threw in with a smile.
Torres' companion muttered that he was still missing the point and he couldn't help but grin. He knew exactly what Miller was on about, but it was far more fun to goad the man than just give in.
“Do you think they know how much everyone else talks about them? About what they manage to do, how they act, that kind of stuff?”
“I would imagine that they are all very well aware of the scuttlebutt surrounding them. I think they're all just cool enough to ignore it. Besides, you stare at them much harder and you won't have to ask that any more. They'll come over here and set you straight themselves. I have seen Teal'c in the gym. You do not want a piece of that man.”
“Do I look stupid to you?” Miller asked as he finished off the last of his potatoes. The pile of concealed gravy he scrapped off of them sat forlornly on the side of his plate.
“At this moment? A little. Dude, you need help. Find a girl; get a hobby; take a nap. I don't really care, but you really need to move on.”
Torres finished off his meal and pushed his plate to the side of his tray, pulling the parfait glass of jell-o towards him. Realizing that he hadn't grabbed a spoon, Torres licked his fork off and dug in. Miller sighed heavily, resting his chin in his palm as he too pushed the last of his meal away.
“Fine,” he said. “You're right. I need to stop fixating.”
“Thank you,” his friend said calmly, offering him a cube of red Jell-o.
“Right after they leave.” Miller muttered, refusing the cube before going back to trying to spy on the flagship team without getting caught. Torres couldn't help the laughter that escaped him.
Everyone within hearing turned to stare at the officer, everyone except SG1. The four of them still so deep into what ever it was they were doing that they were oblivious to the rest of the mess hall.
*&*
Needs
**
Doctor Janet Fraiser quietly spread a blanket over a sleeping Sam, who dozed off wedged in a chair next to Daniel's bed. She had offered a blanket to O'Neill, but he had turned it down in favor of a cup of coffee. Teal'c, meanwhile, had tucked himself away in a corner to Kel'noreem.
She quickly checked Daniel's vitals, played with his IV for a moment and then quietly snuck away from the group, only the sound of the oxygen and heart monitors breaking the silence in the infirmary.
The doctor had stopped enforcing visiting hours for SG teams a long time ago. What they saw and went through together, mission after mission, made them seem joined at the hips. Each team was its own strange family, and SG1 was the tightest, strangest one of all.
Janet had to admit that after this latest mission, she was more than a little surprised to see them all gathered around Daniel. He had, after all, abandoned them to the tender mercies of an exhausted Naquadah mine while he got hooked on a girl and a sarcophagus.
But there they were, each of them keeping vigil over their sick teammate in their own little way. Sam had prattled on about nothing for the longest time, trying to lure Daniel out from his withdrawal. Jack had thrown in a sarcastic comment every now and then to make sure he was still with them, while Teal'c simply sat quietly nearby, offering a silent, calmly presence to the group.
“Hey, Danny Boy,” she heard O'Neill say softly after she had just barely slipped behind the curtains that closed his bed off from the rest of the medical bay.
She considered turning and going to see what was up, but something made her change her mind and hover by the curtain, holding it open just enough so that she could see in. She watched as O'Neill slowly levered himself out of his chair to stand right beside the bed. He waited patiently while Daniel's mind sorted itself out and decided what he wanted.
O'Neill fetched the water without complaint or sarcastic remark. He even tucked Carter's blanket a little tighter around her as he passed by her to reach the cup and pitcher on the bedside table. When he came back to the bed, the pair talked quietly for a moment before O'Neill waived a hand and shook his head.
Assured that the situation was under control, Janet left the patient area and returned to her office.
**
“I thought you were going to. . .” Janet trailed off when she saw one of her nurses returning from Daniel's bed, bucket of warm water still in her hands.
“Major Carter beat me to it,” she replied with a shrug. Janet had sent the nurse in with the intention of helping Daniel clean up a little. The doctor frowned and when to investigate for herself. Although Jack and Teal’c were nowhere to be seen, Sam was seated on the foot of Daniel’s bed.
The two were talking about something she couldn't make out as Sam carefully dragged a razor across his face. His hands were shaking too badly to do the task himself.
As Janet stood and watched, it occurred to her what an intimate moment she was watching and that she hadn't exactly been quiet on her way over to his bed and the curtains did nothing to mask outside sounds.
“Pretty as a picture,” Sam said when she was finally done. Janet imagined a gentle smile on her face as she said so.
Sam was wiping the last remnants of shaving cream from Daniel’s face when he said something that made her drop her head against her chest, fumbling with the towel in her hand. A dark look fell over Daniel's face and Janet decided that it was time to step in.
“So, putting my nurses out of work, are you?” she asked, plastering a fake smile on her face. The pair quickly looked up and worked valiantly to hide the fact that something was wrong.
“Well, someone's got to protect him from your nurses,” she said, sliding off the bed and tiding the supplies they'd used. Janet joked with the pair a while longer until O'Neill and Teal'c came into the infirmary, each holding two trays loaded down with food, drink and Jell-O.
Janet took that as her cue to leave as extra tables were procured and the four set about devouring the feast they'd found themselves.
She paused just out side the curtain again and watched as the three crowded themselves onto and around the bed, passing items and utensils to each other without really thinking about it. Janet shook her head as she watched the four disappear into their own little world again before she slipped away to leave them too it.
Janet had heard people on the base talking about how SG1 members seemed to be in their own little world more often than not, and she had always just laughed them off in the past. Jack and Sam were Air Force officers who were trained to be aware of their surroundings at all times and Teal'c was a trained military officer himself.
She could see Daniel being oblivious, but not all of them at the same time and she had firmly believed that until now. Three times in as many days she'd caught them lost in their own little world. She was pretty sure they'd be okay though. They kept going through the gate and coming home after all. Maybe not in the same number of pieces they left in, but they kept coming home together.
Lost in their own little world or not, she was pretty sure they'd be OK.
*&*
Drowning
**
Sam jerked awake, looking around her room frantically as her brain tried to catch up with what it was seeing. She took a deep breath as she raised a shaky hand to brush he bangs away from her sweaty forehead. She couldn't help but shudder a little as the sweat on her back started to cool, sticking her shirt to her.
She took a long moment to assure herself that she was tucked away in her own bed, in Samantha Carter's bed and not Thera's metal cot.
The only problem was she wasn't in a bed at all. She actually was curled up at the end of a couch with an old afghan thrown over her.
She also realized that she wasn't alone either. Casting a cautious eye around the room, she noticed that O'Neill was slumped at the other end of the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table as he allowed some useless infomercial to capture his attention. Daniel was snoring softly in Jack's recliner, his glasses perched a very odd angle on his face.
Absently, she wondered how he had even functioned as Carlin without his glasses on. No wonder Keegan had spent so much time teaching him the same tasks over and over again.
“Stop thinking Carter,” Jack said softly from his end of the couch.
“Sir?” she asked, finally turning to face him again.
“Stop thinking, I can hear you all the way over here,” he finally turned to look at her, the light from the TV flickering and casting his face into odd shadows.
“Sorry,” she said, turning her gaze away from him and to said TV. They fell silent again, each lost in their own thoughts.
“Bad dream?” he asked after a long moment.
“It was nothing,” she said, hoping he wouldn't press further. He didn't and she appreciated it. None of them were ready to talk about what had happened to them on that planet. Hell, she wasn't even sure if she understood herself what had happened on that planet.
She remembers being pulled from their beds in the middle of the night. It had taken four men and a stunner to finally subdue Teal'c and get them all out. She remembered that they hadn't even let them put their boots on. They had just turned the lights on and started yelling, stunning them into submission until they were groggy and slow and easy dragged away.
She even remembers being thrown in a metal chair and strapped down. She yelled for the others, yelled at the people in the room, but they had ignored her.
The suddenly she was a mineworker named Thera who was being transferred to another job where Jonah was working. It had been ages since she’d seen Jonah, and was more than glad to have her friend back at her side.
She didn't know what the others remembered. Janet had kept them all on base and in the infirmary for 24 hours before releasing them all but Teal'c. He'd stayed behind to Kel'noreem in his quarters instead of leaving with the others.
Of course, Jack, Sam and Daniel hadn’t gotten much farther than the parking lot before starting to subtly invite each other to hang out.
O'Neill put a stop to it by sending Daniel off to pick up movies while he and Sam went to pick up food and beer. They all agreed to meet at Jack's house.
By the time Daniel got back, Jack and Sam had already laid out a spread of pizza, Chinese and beers for everyone. A movie was quickly put in the player and the three of them collapsed into their customary spots, plates of food resting on laps as they settled down to watch the flick.
Sam didn't hold out much hope that O'Neill would ever open up to her about what he remembered; it just wasn't the way he operated. Daniel though. . . she hoped that at some point in the future he'd open up to her about what he remembered so that they could both talk about it and get it out in the open. But after watching the way Keegan had stuck by his side as they were relocating the workers, she had a feeling that it would be a while before he opened up about things. Carlin apparently had just as many issues to work through as Thera and Jonah had.
“You're thinking again.” Jack's voice broke into her thoughts and pulled her back into the present.
“It's not like we can talk about it,” she snapped at him. She waited to hear if he was going to call her on being insubordinate, but he didn't. That was something else for her to worry about she supposed.
“What do you want me to say, Carter?”
“I don't know,” she said. “Anything! That you're mad, or you’re glad to be home, or that you miss Thera like she misses Jo. . .”
Carter quickly cut herself off and focused her attention on the TV, working hard to keep her mind focused on the new miracle peeler being advertised.
“He does miss her.” she heard suddenly in the dark. “He misses her a lot.”
Carter swallowed hard when she heard this, but she didn't let herself look at O'Neill. She missed Jonah desperately, the closeness they'd had, the fact that when she needed someone, he was there, ready to hold her and tell her that it was all going to be ok. That Brenna was going to listen her eventually, that what they were doing really was worth it, that it wasn't just rhetoric that they had been trained to say.
Sam felt the couch shift beneath her and she held her breath a little as she felt a warm body close to her own. She considered keeping her distance from him, but she found she didn't have the will power. She let herself sink into his side as he pulled her close and she savored the warmth, closing her eyes slightly and allowing herself to really believe that Jonah and Thera were together again.
“He loves her,” he confessed after a while, whispering the words softly into her hair.
“She loves him, too,” she confessed, just as quietly.
Silence prevailed as she adjusted the afghan until it was covering as much of them as possible. She gave him a quick, hard squeeze before relaxing against him, allowing herself to be soothed by his heartbeat and to forget about the rest of the world for a few more hours.
*&*
Empty chair
**
Daniel's funeral this time around was just as solemn and dignified as it had been the first time around, only this time, they were sure he was gone. They had watched as the monitor’s alarms screamed and he turned into a glowing light.
This time though, Jack's calm was slightly more rattled. Not only was he still dealing with the fact that Daniel had asked him to tell Jacob to let him die, he had also been yelling at various politicians right up until the last minute. Washington was still looking for someone to blame for losing access to Naquadria and they saw absolutely no reason not to agree with the Kelownans and blame Daniel.
All of SG1 was disgusted with Washington's reaction to the situation. After all they had done for the world, let alone the country, they had expected a little support from the higher ups.
They obviously weren't going to get it. Even though Jack had told Washington that he would never let them pin the blame on Daniel, that he would leave the program and the Air Force if they did.
Apologies and platitudes quickly followed, but the fact remained the same: The blame would rest fully on Daniel no matter what Jack or the rest of SGI did.
He really wanted to threaten that Carter and Teal'c follow him out the door, but he didn't. He couldn't be 100 percent sure that they would leave the program with him, and he didn't want to make threats he couldn't back up.
He thought that was a real shame because he was pretty sure that while the higher ups might not mind loosing him, they'd all really start to panic if they thought they were going to loose their Stargate Wunderkind Carter. He imagined they'd be worried about loosing Teal’c, too, but only because of what he knew about the SGC and Earth.
When Jack finally did stalk into the gate room, he glared at Jonas as he passed. The alien quickly looked at his feet and shuffled back, giving O'Neill as much space as he could.
Jonas Quinn knew that he wasn't welcome at Dr. Jackson's funeral, but he couldn't stay away. It was his fault the man was dead and at this point in time, he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to repay Jackson's friends for what had happened.
When the service was over and people started to leave, Sam, Jack and Teal'c found themselves moving closer to each other. Each of them were silent and at a loss as to what they should do next.
“I have beer,” Jack said suddenly. “Lots and lots of beer.”
Carter took a shaky breath and nodded while Teal'c inclined his head slightly. O'Neill drove Teal'c and Carter followed in her car after changing out of her dress blues.
If she and O'Neill were going to get as drunk as she thought they were, she had no plans to do so in a skirt.
**
“Where's your phone Carter?” O'Neill asked as soon as she set foot in his living room. She dug it out of her bag and he snatched it from her while handing her a beer. She took a pull from the bottle as he snapped the back of the phone open, took the battery out and laid it on his kitchen table, next to his gutted cell phone.
He unplugged his house phone next and then finally collapsed into an easy chair while she folded herself into its matching pair.
Teal'c took his customary place on the couch, leaving the far right corner vacant. Three sets of eyes fell on the empty spot and Sam quickly took another pull of her beer, trying to keep the tears at bay. There would be time for her to break down on her own, in her own bed, later.
Eventually, Sam tore her eyes away from the empty spot and turned them to where she knew the battery-less cell phones rested.
She briefly worried how the base would get in touch with them if they were needed, but quickly decided she just didn’t give a damn. Daniel had given his life to protect a bunch of ungrateful aliens and their entire world. Anyone who really needed them today, and possibly tomorrow, could wait. Jack and Teal'c seemed to be of the same mind, given that O'Neill had removed the batteries and Teal'c had made no objections.
“I feel like he's just late,” Carter said suddenly. “That we'll start drinking and he'll burst in, complaining that we didn't wait for him.” She bowed her head as she spoke and concentrated on her bottle.
“To Daniel,” Jack said after a long moment, raising his bottle slightly. “The most stubborn, most annoying, most loyal guy you'll ever meet.” Sam raised her bottle to that while Teal'c raised his glass.
**
Walter Harriman frowned a little as he got another recorded message about cell phones being turned off or out of range. He hung up and quickly dialed again, making sure that he hadn't misdialed the first two times. The recording played again and he finally hung up.
Colonel O'Neill's cell phone being off was nothing unusual, neither was his phone being off the hook when he was in a bad mood but not being able to contact Major Carter was a bit disconcerting. He could always get a hold of her but today her home phone went straight to the machine and her cell was giving him that horrible recording.
With a sigh, Walter picked himself up out of his chair and made his way to the General's office.
“They're not answering, Sir,” Walter said, peaking into Hammond's office.
“None of them?” he asked, looking up from the paper work he had been signing. He put his pen down on his desk.
“No Sir. I've tried their cell phones, home phones and office phones, there's no answer at any of them.” George Hammond sighed. He knew that Jackson's death was hard on SG1, but it wasn't like Carter or Teal'c to stay out of contact for more than 12 hours. Jack, on the other hand, was more than happy to disappear for days on end.
“Very well, thank you Walter,” he said, dismissing the Sergeant back to whatever task he was up to.
Hammond didn't really have a pressing need to get in touch with SG1. He understood that they needed time after Daniel's death to mourn him and find their new normal. Hell, he’d gone so far as to issue orders not to contact them unless the fate of the planet actually depended on them.
Hammond sighed as he glanced at the clock. He debated for a moment about whether to actually go to Jack's house and check on him, but he decided against it. The three of them were probably together, most likely at Jack's house. No one wanted their CO to see them when they were mourning and likely very drunk.
As he pulled himself up to his desk again ready to begin on the next round of paper work, he allowed himself a few moments to not only curse Jackson for what he had done, but to thank him as well.
*&*
Loose Ends
**
“You OK?”
“For the most part,” Sam answered without shifting her gaze from the window of O'Neill's truck.
She had broken up with Pete a week ago, Daniel had come back from wherever he had been a few days after that and they had buried her father two days ago.
The funeral had been everything she expected it to be. All of Jacob's military friends had come. They had even smuggled some of the Tok'ra out of the base to watch, making sure they all understood the importance of letting their hosts do the talking while out on Earth.
Having the Tok'ra around had made things more stressful and she had anticipated, but she couldn't deny them. They'd already had words about the fact that she wasn't going to let them have Jacob's body to do with what they wanted, and she couldn't deny his and Selmac's friends the chance to say goodbye in some way.
Her brother and his family had come as well. Mark's relationship with his father had healed a lot over the years, but it was still rocky. He hadn't been pleased about the military funeral, but he understood. They compromised and buried him next to their mother instead of in the military plot that had been set-aside for him.
She was slightly surprised at how easily they had come to an agreement about the burial, but she had decided not to question it. She had instead spent the time with her niece and nephew, happy to lose herself in imaginary games and stories with the two kids. It was nice to not have to worry about anything more serious then storming the castle for an afternoon.
“You sure? We could stop for a bit,” O'Neill said, interrupting her thoughts and glancing over at her for a moment before returning his gaze to the road in front of them.
Daniel and Teal'c had gotten tied up at the base and had decided to fly in while Jack had talked Carter into taking the drive up with him. He had convinced her by telling her it would give her time to think and sort things out. And since he'd be right there, she wouldn't have to worry about him phoning her all the time to check in and make sure she was OK. She also found it nice to not have to concentrate on the road.
“I'm OK, really,” she insisted, finally turning to look at him, offering a small smile before turning her attention back to the road again.
O'Neill frowned a little when he finally caught a good glimpse of her. She looked tired and pale, like she wasn't sleeping properly. Or at all. He wasn't really surprised; he knew that she didn't sleep well when her world wasn't in order. Her face was drawn tight and her eyes just didn't look right.
He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was off about her. He kept telling himself that a few days up at the lake were exactly what she needed. Time away from everything and everyone, she could write her own schedule, come and go as she pleased, recharge for a while before jumping back into the fray at Area 51.
This trip was also going to give all of them a chance to say goodbye. Jack had been promoted to a new position in Washington so that Hammond could finally retire.
And now that the Jaffa had their freedom, Teal'c felt more than obligated to return to them, to teach them what he had learned of freedom during his time with the Tau'ri.
With Jack leaving, Daniel was finally getting a chance to head off to Atlantis and see what all the fuss was about while Carter was going to head to Nevada to take up a position with R&D and also help get Cassie back on track.
In an attempt to find herself and get her feet back under her, the girl had chosen a university as far from Sam and the rest of SG1 as possible.
She had also bitten off a little more than she could chew with her courses. Cassie had called Sam up, nearly in tears, a few weeks ago to confess that she wasn't doing so well and really needed help.
This confession was a complete 180 from all the other conversations Sam had had with the girl. She had promised her that as soon as the transfer went through, she'd be down in Nevada to help her out and that she'd have some semi-normal work hours for the first time in she didn't know how long.
Cassie had chuckled when she heard that and couldn't help but jokingly ask what that would be like? Cassie had lived her entire life on Earth with adults who had no idea what normal working hours were.
“The boys should be here day after tomorrow,” O'Neill said as he slowed the truck and pulled off of the paved highway and onto a rough dirt road. “They'll land at the local airport and drive up.”
“They know the way?” she asked as she took in the slight change of scenery. The forest was definitely getting thicker, and she was pretty sure she could see a lake in the distance. Of course, that was probably just her imagination.
“You know Teal'c. Never forgets a direction,” he said, glancing over at her again and offering a small smile that she returned.
Silence returned to the cab for a few more moments before a weathered log cabin came into view. “Well, there it is,” he said as he parked the truck. “Chateau O'Neill.” Sam studied the cabin carefully for a few moments.
“I like it,” she said, offering him a smile as she undid her seat belt and slid out of the truck. They both stretched and inhaled deeply before he headed to the back to start unloading and Sam allowed herself to wander towards the lake.
She stopped when she hit the edge of the dock and simply looked around. She couldn't see the other side of the lake nor could she see anything through the trees but more trees.
They really were alone out here, 20 miles from the closest town and God only knew how far from the nearest neighbor. She took a moment to peer into the lake, trying to see if there were any fish. She wasn't surprised not to see any, but she had hoped.
“Carter! Little help!” O'Neill hollered from the truck.
“Coming, Sir,” she said as she turned and quickly headed back up the dock to help O'Neill unload the truck. She couldn't help but smile a little as she walked. She was starting to feel like things were falling back into place in her life.
She'd felt like hiding away for days now, but not really wanting to be alone all at the same time. She was a little amazed that she'd actually found a place that would allow her to be both alone and with people at the same time.
**
“So, fishing?” Jack asked as they lounged around a fire a few nights later. Teal'c and Daniel had retreated to the safety of the cabin, away from the mosquitoes while Sam and Jack sat huddled by the fire. They blinked furiously as the smoke blew into their eyes. They both knew that they could, and probably should move, but the smoke was keeping the bugs away, so they stayed.
“I enjoyed it,” she said, pulling the sleeves of her sweatshirt down over her hands. “I don't think I could spend as much time at it as you, but it was nice to just fish and let my mind wander.”
“Come to any conclusion?” he asked, poking at the fire slightly, trying to produce a pocket in the flames that only held ashes. He still had several marshmallows left in a bag beside him.
“I miss my Dad,” she said simply. “And probably will for a long time. That I'm going to miss SG1 and the Stargate, but it will be nice to spend time with Cass. That we're no longer in the same chain of command,” she threw on the end, almost as an after thought. She watched as O'Neill stopped playing in the fire after she said that.
“The thought had occurred to me,” he said calmly, turning to look at her slightly.
“Maybe we should think about airing that room out,” she said with a shrug, taking the marshmallow he offered her. They fell into silence for a moment as he got his own. He eventually agreed that he'd like that, though neither of them made any effort to expand on the possibility of a relationship.
“I'd forgotten how bright the stars could be,” she said, changing the subject as she let her marshmallow dangle over the coals. “It's easy to feel like you're the only person in the world out here.”
“Why do you think I come out here so often?” he asked as he pulled her stick from over the flames so nothing caught on fire.
She smiled as she blew on her treat to cool it off before she pulled the crispy coating off. He watched as she ate that first and then went back for the warm, gooey marshmallow. She had been eating them that way all night and he couldn't help but think it was cute.
The pair enjoyed the warmth of the fire and the sounds of the night for a while longer until Daniel stuck his head out the door and hollered to them that he and Teal'c were going to play cards and did they want to join in?
10 minutes later the fire was out and SG1 was gathered around the well-aged table in the cabin's dinning room, laughing, teasing and cheating their way through card games.
*&*
Back to part 4
