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Oct. 20th, 2011 04:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cassievalentineTitle Maybe This Time
Fandom Castle
Paring Kate Beckett/Richard Castle, mentions of Meredith Castle/Richard Castle
Rating PG13
Summary AU: In an alternate universe, Castle and Meredith try to save their failing marriage with another baby . . .
Warnings Kid fic, I guess. If that's really a warning in this fandom? Alternate Universe, Canon timeline fudging.
Kate lay awake for hours that night. The whole time she was awake, she ached to pull Rick closer to her but she was too busy fighting the urge to push him away to do either. After her mother and what her father became, she had closed herself off. She'd tucked Katie Beckett away and into a deep dark corner of her mind to protect her and she'd let Kate Beckett step forward. Kate was strong and sure and wore an impenetrable armour that would keep Katie safe from any more hurt. It didn't always work, but for the most part, Katie was safe.
But then Richard, Alexis and Charlie Castle had suddenly shown up in her life and everything changed. The three of them stirred Katie up, made her want to peak out and spend time in the light and Kate was letting her.
"Did you sleep at all?" Rick whispered in her ear, jarring her from her thoughts. His voice was heavy with and she found herself scrambling to find her phone or alarm clock, something that would tell her the time. She finally caught a reflection of her alarm clock in a mirror.
"I don't think so," she replied. Truth be told, Kate had absolutely no idea if she had fallen asleep or not. He let out a heavy sigh and pulled her tightly into his arms again, just holding her. He had so many things he wanted to tell her, to offer her reassurances, but nothing in his head seemed enough. He knew Kate kept herself closed in, that she was only sharing slivers of herself with him and the kids and that had been enough.
"I love you," he finally said and he felt her stiffen a little further. "It's ok, last night was more than enough," he told her, letting her know that he didn't except her to return the gesture, that what she had told him last night was more than enough for him. She had shared her most closely guarded secret, her biggest hurt with him without prompting. There were any other number of things she could have shared with him last night and she had skipped all of them to tell him about her mother. She began to relax, letting out a shaky breath as she moved her hand to skim across her arm and hand, stilling only to lace her fingers between his. "That was hers, wasn't it?" he asked quietly, his mouth hovering just above her ear as he focused on the engagement ring that sat buried beneath one of the finest silver chains he'd ever seen.
"It was," she admitted, pulling away from him ever so slightly so she could stretch her free hand out to grab the necklace off of her bedside table. She held the ring up for him to see, letting the chain hang from the band, reflecting small threads of light as it stilled. He steadied her hand in his own and took a closer look at the piece before pressed the hand holding the ring against her chest, right by her heart.
"It's beautiful," he told her and offered nothing else. She was glad he held his silence after that simple statement. The only other men she had ever shown it too had offered flowery words about the ring, words that she didn't want to hear because they didn't understand. "Do you want me to go?" he asked her after a long moment of silence. She couldn't help but smile a little at his question. He was willing to give her space to pull her self together without him watching.
"I want to take your kids to the park," she replied. "Or play at the museum, talk to the dinosaurs again." She just wanted to forget, to get lost and she found it interesting that her first choice was Alexis and Charlie. A few weeks ago, her first choice would have been to send Rick home as fast as she could so she could head to the station and lose herself in a case.
"My phone is on your kitchen counter," he told her with a smile. "Feel free to call Alexis and see what she wants to do." Kate was quick to assure him that she wanted him to come too. Rick let her know he had no intention of leaving her today, but that his phone was still on the kitchen counter and she was still welcome to call Alexis. It took Kate a moment to realize that he was reciprocating for last night. He had never offered access to his kids so freely before.
"After breakfast, I'll call," she told him as she reached out to put the ring back on the table before she turned in his arms and kissed him hard, hoping that he understood all the things she felt that she couldn't say yet. He returned the kiss slowly began to move them towards something more.
For the first time in many, many years, Katie managed to find an actual hole in the armour, instead of just a chink. She couldn't help but smile and think that the sunlight felt wonderful.
**
"How come you're not hiding it today?" Alexis asked later that night as she handed Kate her hair brush. Kate had bribed the 6 year old into the tub that night by promising braids that would leave her hair wavy for school in the morning.
"Hiding what?" she asked as she began to run the brush through Alexis' long hair before parting it into sections.
"You're necklace," she replied as she sat as still as she could. Kate listened as Alexis explained how she was usually quick to tuck into back under her shirt when it slipped out, but she hadn't bothered at all today.
"You're dad and I had a big, long talk last night," Kate said carefully. Alexis asked if it was about the ring on the necklace. "Sort of," she replied, considering her options. "My mom died when I was 19," she told the girl. "This was her ring." Alexis thought about this for a long time as Kate put the rest of her hair in a handful of braids. When she was done, Alexis turned around. She started to reach out for the ring, but drew her hand back slightly, looking to Kate for permission. Slowly, tentatively, Alexis reached out and finally took hold of the ring, holding it up so she could examine it. "I usually keep it tucked away so that it's close to me, but no one else can see it."
"So they can't ask questions?" Alexis asked as she let the ring fall back to rest against Kate's t-shirt.
"So they can't ask questions," she agreed.
"Sometimes things don't hurt as much if you talk about them." Beckett couldn't help but smile at the little girl when she offered that piece of advice.
"Your dad reminded me about that last night," she told her. "And that's why I told you when you asked." The sat facing each other, Kate watching as Alexis' attention drifted back to Johanna's ring once again. Suddenly, Alexis was crawling into her lap and laying her head on her chest. Kate hesitated for a moment, the little girl had never made a move like this before, but she soon recovered and wrapped her own arms tight around her.
"I miss my mom too," Alexis finally admitted as she picked up Johanna's ring again, twisting it in her fingers a little as she studied it. Kate quietly suggested that maybe Alexis should call her mother tomorrow after school, but Alexis just shook her head. "She's too busy."
"You know," Kate said after a long moment. "If you ever just want to play or hangout, you can ask me." Kate let the offer hang in the air. She'd always let Alexis make the overtures in the past, this was the first one she had ever extended and she was holding her breath, afraid that she had overstepped.
"What if I want to play and you're working? Will you say no?"
"I'll have to say no if I'm trying to catch a bad guy. But as soon as he caught, we will play then. We won't even let your dad or Charlie play with us unless you want them too." Alexis stayed quiet as she thought about the offer, Johanna's ring still in held tightly in her hand. "I will do my very best to make time to play with you and Charlie, but sometimes I just can't."
"Because you have to catch the bad guys," Alexis reasoned. "So they don't hurt anyone else. What if they hurt you?" Kate held back a sigh as she reminded Alexis about Ryan and Esposito and how they all worked together to keep each other safe. "But what if?" Alexis stressed again.
"Then Ryan and Esposito will help me, they'll keep me safe until I can see a doctor, until I can see you and Charlie and your dad again."
"And your dad?"
"Of course," she replied, leaning over to pull the throw off the back of the couch and pulled it over herself and Alexis. Alexis didn't say anything else on the subject, but she did go back to playing with Johanna's ring again and she wasn't really sure why, but Kate found herself humming some nameless tune to the girl as they snuggled on the couch.
"Try really hard not to get hurt, Kate," Alexis muttered as she began to fall asleep, her grip on the ring starting to go slack. A few minutes later, Rick came down the stairs after putting Charlie to bed. He stopped and took a minute to observe his girls tucked in on the couch before he moved towards them and gently gathered Alexis from Kate, taking the girl upstairs to her own bed.
"I should go," she said, unfolding herself from the couch when she saw him coming back down stairs. "Work in the morning."
"Stay," he offered. Kate could only blink at him after hearing that; this was the first time he had even suggested she stay over when the kids where in the loft. "I've wanted to ask for a while now," he admitted as he came over to her and took her hand in his. He didn't explain why he hadn't asked before, but she had a pretty good feeling she knew why. "You left an outfit here a couple of weeks ago. It's been through the laundry, you can wear that to work."
"My badge and gun are at home," she pointed out.
"Stay, we'll have breakfast, get Alexis ready for school and then I can drop you off at your place." She considered the offer carefully.
"If we hadn't had last night," she asked after a minute, referring to their conversation about trust and her mother and all the other things they'd covered. "Would you be offering this?"
"I didn't think you were ready before last night," he admitted. "I knew you had secrets, big ones that you weren't ready to share and I was okay with that but . . ." he trailed off, trying to find the right words. What he wanted to say was so big and so important that he was worried about it all blowing up in his face if he said it wrong.
"But you weren't okay with me, my secrets and your kids," she finished.
"I wasn't sure what the whole package would do to you and your secrets," he corrected and Kate found herself unable to respond as her brain focused all it's attention on dissecting that sentence.
"I should go home," she finally concluded. it wasn't that she didn't want to stay, it was just that it had been a big day, a big couple of days. "I think I need to do some thinking," she finally told him. He studied her face for a long moment, his brow creased slightly as he tried to decide what was happening. With a sigh and an embarrassed blush, she quickly explained about Katie and Kate and what they meant. "Katie needs sometime to get used to the light and Kate needs some time to stop freaking out about the cracks," she concluded, a wave of relief washing over her as she saw a flash of understanding in his eyes.
"Try to convince Kate to let Katie out to play more, especially when you're not working," he asked with a smile before he kissed her.
"We're working on it," she assured him, pulling him into another kiss, trying to show him that she felt just as strongly for him as he did for her. Even if she couldn't say it yet.
"I love all of you," he said when she finally pulled back. "No matter who you are." She offered him one more kiss and a shy smile as she finally slipped out the door and headed for the elevator.
**
As soon as Kate got into the elevator, she leaned against the back wall and pulled out her cellphone, intending to text Lanie, but she changed her mind. She pulled up her dad's number and nearly hit the call button before she changed her mind again. She tucked the phone away and clasped her ring tightly in her hand.
"He loves me," she whispered to her mother.
Fandom Castle
Paring Kate Beckett/Richard Castle, mentions of Meredith Castle/Richard Castle
Rating PG13
Summary AU: In an alternate universe, Castle and Meredith try to save their failing marriage with another baby . . .
Warnings Kid fic, I guess. If that's really a warning in this fandom? Alternate Universe, Canon timeline fudging.
Kate lay awake for hours that night. The whole time she was awake, she ached to pull Rick closer to her but she was too busy fighting the urge to push him away to do either. After her mother and what her father became, she had closed herself off. She'd tucked Katie Beckett away and into a deep dark corner of her mind to protect her and she'd let Kate Beckett step forward. Kate was strong and sure and wore an impenetrable armour that would keep Katie safe from any more hurt. It didn't always work, but for the most part, Katie was safe.
But then Richard, Alexis and Charlie Castle had suddenly shown up in her life and everything changed. The three of them stirred Katie up, made her want to peak out and spend time in the light and Kate was letting her.
"Did you sleep at all?" Rick whispered in her ear, jarring her from her thoughts. His voice was heavy with and she found herself scrambling to find her phone or alarm clock, something that would tell her the time. She finally caught a reflection of her alarm clock in a mirror.
"I don't think so," she replied. Truth be told, Kate had absolutely no idea if she had fallen asleep or not. He let out a heavy sigh and pulled her tightly into his arms again, just holding her. He had so many things he wanted to tell her, to offer her reassurances, but nothing in his head seemed enough. He knew Kate kept herself closed in, that she was only sharing slivers of herself with him and the kids and that had been enough.
"I love you," he finally said and he felt her stiffen a little further. "It's ok, last night was more than enough," he told her, letting her know that he didn't except her to return the gesture, that what she had told him last night was more than enough for him. She had shared her most closely guarded secret, her biggest hurt with him without prompting. There were any other number of things she could have shared with him last night and she had skipped all of them to tell him about her mother. She began to relax, letting out a shaky breath as she moved her hand to skim across her arm and hand, stilling only to lace her fingers between his. "That was hers, wasn't it?" he asked quietly, his mouth hovering just above her ear as he focused on the engagement ring that sat buried beneath one of the finest silver chains he'd ever seen.
"It was," she admitted, pulling away from him ever so slightly so she could stretch her free hand out to grab the necklace off of her bedside table. She held the ring up for him to see, letting the chain hang from the band, reflecting small threads of light as it stilled. He steadied her hand in his own and took a closer look at the piece before pressed the hand holding the ring against her chest, right by her heart.
"It's beautiful," he told her and offered nothing else. She was glad he held his silence after that simple statement. The only other men she had ever shown it too had offered flowery words about the ring, words that she didn't want to hear because they didn't understand. "Do you want me to go?" he asked her after a long moment of silence. She couldn't help but smile a little at his question. He was willing to give her space to pull her self together without him watching.
"I want to take your kids to the park," she replied. "Or play at the museum, talk to the dinosaurs again." She just wanted to forget, to get lost and she found it interesting that her first choice was Alexis and Charlie. A few weeks ago, her first choice would have been to send Rick home as fast as she could so she could head to the station and lose herself in a case.
"My phone is on your kitchen counter," he told her with a smile. "Feel free to call Alexis and see what she wants to do." Kate was quick to assure him that she wanted him to come too. Rick let her know he had no intention of leaving her today, but that his phone was still on the kitchen counter and she was still welcome to call Alexis. It took Kate a moment to realize that he was reciprocating for last night. He had never offered access to his kids so freely before.
"After breakfast, I'll call," she told him as she reached out to put the ring back on the table before she turned in his arms and kissed him hard, hoping that he understood all the things she felt that she couldn't say yet. He returned the kiss slowly began to move them towards something more.
For the first time in many, many years, Katie managed to find an actual hole in the armour, instead of just a chink. She couldn't help but smile and think that the sunlight felt wonderful.
**
"How come you're not hiding it today?" Alexis asked later that night as she handed Kate her hair brush. Kate had bribed the 6 year old into the tub that night by promising braids that would leave her hair wavy for school in the morning.
"Hiding what?" she asked as she began to run the brush through Alexis' long hair before parting it into sections.
"You're necklace," she replied as she sat as still as she could. Kate listened as Alexis explained how she was usually quick to tuck into back under her shirt when it slipped out, but she hadn't bothered at all today.
"You're dad and I had a big, long talk last night," Kate said carefully. Alexis asked if it was about the ring on the necklace. "Sort of," she replied, considering her options. "My mom died when I was 19," she told the girl. "This was her ring." Alexis thought about this for a long time as Kate put the rest of her hair in a handful of braids. When she was done, Alexis turned around. She started to reach out for the ring, but drew her hand back slightly, looking to Kate for permission. Slowly, tentatively, Alexis reached out and finally took hold of the ring, holding it up so she could examine it. "I usually keep it tucked away so that it's close to me, but no one else can see it."
"So they can't ask questions?" Alexis asked as she let the ring fall back to rest against Kate's t-shirt.
"So they can't ask questions," she agreed.
"Sometimes things don't hurt as much if you talk about them." Beckett couldn't help but smile at the little girl when she offered that piece of advice.
"Your dad reminded me about that last night," she told her. "And that's why I told you when you asked." The sat facing each other, Kate watching as Alexis' attention drifted back to Johanna's ring once again. Suddenly, Alexis was crawling into her lap and laying her head on her chest. Kate hesitated for a moment, the little girl had never made a move like this before, but she soon recovered and wrapped her own arms tight around her.
"I miss my mom too," Alexis finally admitted as she picked up Johanna's ring again, twisting it in her fingers a little as she studied it. Kate quietly suggested that maybe Alexis should call her mother tomorrow after school, but Alexis just shook her head. "She's too busy."
"You know," Kate said after a long moment. "If you ever just want to play or hangout, you can ask me." Kate let the offer hang in the air. She'd always let Alexis make the overtures in the past, this was the first one she had ever extended and she was holding her breath, afraid that she had overstepped.
"What if I want to play and you're working? Will you say no?"
"I'll have to say no if I'm trying to catch a bad guy. But as soon as he caught, we will play then. We won't even let your dad or Charlie play with us unless you want them too." Alexis stayed quiet as she thought about the offer, Johanna's ring still in held tightly in her hand. "I will do my very best to make time to play with you and Charlie, but sometimes I just can't."
"Because you have to catch the bad guys," Alexis reasoned. "So they don't hurt anyone else. What if they hurt you?" Kate held back a sigh as she reminded Alexis about Ryan and Esposito and how they all worked together to keep each other safe. "But what if?" Alexis stressed again.
"Then Ryan and Esposito will help me, they'll keep me safe until I can see a doctor, until I can see you and Charlie and your dad again."
"And your dad?"
"Of course," she replied, leaning over to pull the throw off the back of the couch and pulled it over herself and Alexis. Alexis didn't say anything else on the subject, but she did go back to playing with Johanna's ring again and she wasn't really sure why, but Kate found herself humming some nameless tune to the girl as they snuggled on the couch.
"Try really hard not to get hurt, Kate," Alexis muttered as she began to fall asleep, her grip on the ring starting to go slack. A few minutes later, Rick came down the stairs after putting Charlie to bed. He stopped and took a minute to observe his girls tucked in on the couch before he moved towards them and gently gathered Alexis from Kate, taking the girl upstairs to her own bed.
"I should go," she said, unfolding herself from the couch when she saw him coming back down stairs. "Work in the morning."
"Stay," he offered. Kate could only blink at him after hearing that; this was the first time he had even suggested she stay over when the kids where in the loft. "I've wanted to ask for a while now," he admitted as he came over to her and took her hand in his. He didn't explain why he hadn't asked before, but she had a pretty good feeling she knew why. "You left an outfit here a couple of weeks ago. It's been through the laundry, you can wear that to work."
"My badge and gun are at home," she pointed out.
"Stay, we'll have breakfast, get Alexis ready for school and then I can drop you off at your place." She considered the offer carefully.
"If we hadn't had last night," she asked after a minute, referring to their conversation about trust and her mother and all the other things they'd covered. "Would you be offering this?"
"I didn't think you were ready before last night," he admitted. "I knew you had secrets, big ones that you weren't ready to share and I was okay with that but . . ." he trailed off, trying to find the right words. What he wanted to say was so big and so important that he was worried about it all blowing up in his face if he said it wrong.
"But you weren't okay with me, my secrets and your kids," she finished.
"I wasn't sure what the whole package would do to you and your secrets," he corrected and Kate found herself unable to respond as her brain focused all it's attention on dissecting that sentence.
"I should go home," she finally concluded. it wasn't that she didn't want to stay, it was just that it had been a big day, a big couple of days. "I think I need to do some thinking," she finally told him. He studied her face for a long moment, his brow creased slightly as he tried to decide what was happening. With a sigh and an embarrassed blush, she quickly explained about Katie and Kate and what they meant. "Katie needs sometime to get used to the light and Kate needs some time to stop freaking out about the cracks," she concluded, a wave of relief washing over her as she saw a flash of understanding in his eyes.
"Try to convince Kate to let Katie out to play more, especially when you're not working," he asked with a smile before he kissed her.
"We're working on it," she assured him, pulling him into another kiss, trying to show him that she felt just as strongly for him as he did for her. Even if she couldn't say it yet.
"I love all of you," he said when she finally pulled back. "No matter who you are." She offered him one more kiss and a shy smile as she finally slipped out the door and headed for the elevator.
**
As soon as Kate got into the elevator, she leaned against the back wall and pulled out her cellphone, intending to text Lanie, but she changed her mind. She pulled up her dad's number and nearly hit the call button before she changed her mind again. She tucked the phone away and clasped her ring tightly in her hand.
"He loves me," she whispered to her mother.
